To summarize...

First and foremost, as tough as the tournament was, I had a great time down there. I had two really great guys for co-anlgers, I had tons of fun with my roomates and I caught the biggest bass of my life during practice so it wasnt all heartache and heartbreak. I know some of you are sincerely concerned so I will just tell you, my computer lives. I reckon it caught something at the hotel we stayed at for the first two days because it went all black screen on me. It was so bad that I didnt even get it out until today (been home since saturday morning) and after some restarts, some re-booting and some banging on the floor, it seems to be fine now. I thought for sure that 52 error messages all on top of eachother was a death nail but this piece of crap continues to truck along.

Tournament wise, it was easily the most disapointing, biggest most epically failing event I have ever participated in. These are the ones that have you questioning your entire life, your entire lifes goals, your entire being. It makes you wonder if everything youve worked for was just a waste of time and money and was nothing more then a cruel reminder at how far you really are from where you want to be. Where do you go from here? What lies ahead? More bone crushing defeats? More embarrassing beatdowns at the hands of every participant in a tournament? More hints that you really just dont have what it takes to make it to the next level?  Add in the stage I have set for myself by inviting everyone I know to read about it on this blog and you end up where Im at today, pondering my future in fishing.  It would be embarrasing enough to go out and blank for two days but I have to supplement that by saying "hey come read my blog about how im trying to make at as a pro bass fisherman".  That makes for a tough days work and an extremely humbling experience.

Im very tough on myself and I absolutely loathe failure, the fear of failing has kept me from trying alot of things that with hard work, I might have been able to succeed at. At the first glimpse of the possibility of failing I would just quit and say "ahh, could of, would of, should of" but here I am, trying and failing, in front of the internet to boot.  Thats like salt in a gaping wound, a wound that was tore open by my own doing.

Time to move on, the only problem is, Im nearly tapped out of cash and its going to be real tough to pay the balance of my entry fee for the next one. Chances are, Im going to risk it, make the trip to North Carolina for the second stop but its do or die time, if I cant get it done at Norman, Im prob gonna have to give up for a few years, recoup, learn how to fish better and maybe make another run at it after I straighten out the financial situation I have put my wife and I in.

S.T.P.